My floaties don’t float…..

Posted by stuart as Uncategorized

Anybody who knows anything about Australian summers will know that one of their least endearing features, not all together surprisingly, is the fact that they are bloody hot!

Over the last few months, yours truly has been called upon to perform various duties in the general lifesaving/babysitting/stopping kids from drowning each other field for various young family members, friends, and general hangers on at the local public pool.

Just the other day I was equipping my four year old for another attempt at the ‘World Under 5’s hanging on to the side of the pool without actually doing any swimming’ record, by applying the requisite solar deflection and anti-Sink-To-The-Bottom-Without-So-Much As-A-Whimper devices and lotions, when I noticed what I thought were some odd instructions on the primary flotation device I hoped would stop him drowning while I wandered off to the kiosk for an ice cream.

Believe it or not, the following three instructions were printed in big, bold, black letters on the fluorescent orange “floaties”

• “Warning - Use only under competent supervision” Holy shit! I guess that counts me out then.
• “Will not protect against drowning” WTF? Isn’t that the whole point here?
• “Not a life preserver” - Once again, WTF?!?

It’s a sad, sad world we live in.