5 reasons my wife would make a great black-hat SEO

Posted by stuart as Uncategorized

It’s no secret that the Pimp has had occasion to dabble in the black arts of SEO. He figures that if you’re going to try to be good at something, you’d better assess any and all facets of the game, including what some would see as the “less palatable” practices undertaken by some in the industry.

To be honest, I’ve made a bit of scratch pushing the limits of what’s within the search engines’ guidelines (I don’t do link spam though, so don’t bitch to me about your blog comments, OK?), I even have some sites which still bring me income every month, whilst I’m waiting for the search engines to catch up with them, but I seem to lack the application, and the balls-to-the-wall sheer bloody mindedness to have a serious crack at it. What I have discovered over the last year or so of dabbling is that Mrs. PimpMyPageRank would make an awesome SEO mobster. Here’s why…..

1. She’s organised. Whilst I couldn’t organise a pissup in a brewery, she organises everything in my house. She’d have no problems keeping track of thousands of domain names and hundreds of affiliate programs.
2. She’s efficient. While she wouldn’t know a web host from a wet nappy, or a cpanel from the wood paneling in our kitchen, she is shit-hot at working out the simplest and most effective way of doing something. She’d have everything automated down to which needlecraft blogs she spammed which keywords to.
3. She’s results driven. Where I invest far too much love and time into my spam sites tightly focused niche sites, she’d be churning out 100 sites a day. When one site got dropped by Google, she’s unleash ten more.
4. She’s analytical. She’d have the most kick-ass blackhat console giving her at-a-glance stats on everything going on in her empire. She’d quickly know what’s working, what’s not, and she’d adjust her strategy accordingly.
5. She’s bloody minded. She’d boot poor strategies without a second thought.

So while Mrs. PimpMyPageRank couldn’t write a line of code to save herself, I reckon if she put her mind to it, she’d kick my ass in the blackhat stakes within a matter of months.